Voila

I have been doing some soul searching of late and somehow I got the idea to do an art project. After much labor and many (many) days here is what I created:

It's a mixed-material collage that I entitled "The Tree of Knowledge". It's rather large, 4x4 feet. My dad saw me working on it and was like, "what's this for?" And I honestly have no idea. Most people when they decide to do something creative come up with a little something. But this piece here is impressive. 

If you have read some of my latest posts you will know that I have been struggling to figure out my life. I so desperately want to find my work, my calling, the thing that I do. It is remarkably frustrating because I so often think I have found it, only to be disappointed. I decide to be an actor and manage an audition a month without a single call back. I decide to be a writer and suddenly can't come up with anything to write. My wheels are spinning but I'm not getting anywhere. This project came mostly out of desperation. Nothing else seemed to be speaking to me and I thought of this and decided, why not? Might as well try it. It can't be any more of a failure than anything else I've done.

It took m several days to cut all these leaves out of paper. Since it's the tree of knowledge (of good and evil) I used scripture pages as well as pages from magazines and novels. I then soaked the pages in dye and stuck them on to little bits of wire. The fruit is made from styrofoam balls that I painted and sprinkled with glitter. 

The tree has a base of clay that I spread on the board, then I glued scraps from old baskets on top. The snake is made of plastic spoon heads that I painted. 

The ground is collaged magazine pages with a few rocks glued on top. 

The sky was made from plastic cups that I broke. 

All in all I was quite surprised by myself. I was dedicated and thorough. Even though I tired of it and lost my enthusiasm, I kept at it. My room was in complete disarray for weeks but I refused to put it away until I was done. 

It was a significant experience that I wasn't expecting. I really just threw myself into it without realizing the time and expense this would demand. However, I learned some very key things about myself in the process; first and foremost, I am much more of an artist than I originally believed. My need for creation is strong and large, and takes a lot to satisfy. Like, a lot. It won't work as a simple hobby. 

I was in the middle of gluing sticks on when all this discovery hit me. I was sizing up different sticks and placing them out. I stood back to get a better look and suddenly thought, "Oh my goodness. I am an artist." My next thought was, "Crap." 

I so badly want to be reasonable, to be secure. But I just--can't--do it. I try and can't. Perhaps that's what all this struggle has been about, denying this truth about myself. This is a scary thing. It feels far too insubstantial to put all my trust and my efforts into. Just to give this inner-artist my future. It's scary. 

But, it is also true that people succeed. Even crazy people. No matter what you do, if you are great at it, you can succeed. 

Not that this is an exact answer. I don't have my medium yet, but I finally feel like I'm in the ballpark. So... I'll keep trucking along, keep experimenting. Who knows what will come of it? 

I made a bag!

Look at this!

Hidden in the depths of 50 lb. flour bags and enough rice to feed a chinese village, not to mention a sizable box of ties, a partial drum set, and shoes of various kinds and sizes was this! It happens to be my grandfather's sewing machine, sewing table, I think, technically. I had no idea we had it until I was organizing and tried to move this surprisingly heavy nightstand. I explored and found a sewing machine within its bowels.

SO (sew)

A day of furious planning, pinning, ironing was immediately necessary.

After digging through boxes of fabric inherited from my grandmother, and after doodling all over my sketch book, after debating color schemes and my actual talent with a sewing machine, I made this!

It's a purse! And it's just the perfect size (big enough for a notebook and novel, plus other normal purse things, but without being too cumbersome).

And look inside! That is correct, it is lined with adorable fabric and given pockets too! A pocket for a pen, my sunglasses, chapstick, and then a couple extra for girly things, I suppose. Or my pocket knife. I should get a pocket knife.

It was hard, but satisfying. Those little flags were... let's just say it didn't take long for me to hate them. And attaching the lining and the outside together was also difficult and in need of restitching a couple of times. But we all made it through, and I am glad.

Ode to Neil Gaiman

(illustration by Tom Gauld)

I kind of have this thing for Neil Gaiman. He is an author that really bends his genre and does fantasy in a refreshing way that reminds me that fantasy can be good and enjoyable without being cliche or trite.

I just got a collection of short-stories he helped compile (along with Al Sarrantonio). In the intro he described very well my reason for reading, "We wanted to read stories that used a lightning flash of magic as a way of showing us something we have already seen a thousand times as if we had never seen it before... It's the magic of fiction: you take the words and you build them into worlds. It seemed to us that the fantastic can be, can do, so much more than its detractors assume: it can illuminate the real, it can distort it, it can mask it, it can hide it. It can show you the world you know in a way that makes you realise you've never looked at it, not looked at it. G.K. Chesterton compared fantastic fiction to going on holiday--that the importance of your holiday is the moment you return, and you see the place you live through fresh eyes."

A lot of other people seem to think so as well, because they keep making his stuff into movies.

Coraline

This one is just good. Unexpected, slightly creepy, but good for many reasons.

Stardust

This one is just enchanting, clever, and highly enjoyable.

Sandman

This one is a graphic novel series, not actually a movie, but it's cool

Good Omens (Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett)

This one is also not a movie, but a really fun book. This is an adaption by some kids and I actually think they did a really good job, considering their budget. They remain true to the book (huzzah!). Plus it reminds me of these book projects we had to do in high school.

So there is some inspiration, to get me to use my pen to capture a snippet of the vast expanse of my mind.

A List of Creativity

I have been feeling the need for some newness and creativity. You know how it gets when you just want to express yourself or do something but your cramped by space, time, and money?

So I've compiled a list to help get one out of a creative/activity slump:

• Take a good picture (it may take a few tries. That's the point.)
• Find new music you like
• Find a new blog to follow
• Paint something (a card, a painting, a chair, etc.)
• Try a new hairdo
• Do some crazy makeup
• Write a haiku
• Bake something (delicious)
• Do yoga
• Rearrange your furniture
• Watch an artsy movie
• Tie a scarf or belt around your person in some new manner
• Sew something (a button onto something, your initials, etc.)
• Cut some paper (into shapes or make a pop-up card)

So there you go, if you're ever in need for a creative pick-me-up, I hope this helps.

Have a good day!

Some More Pretty Pictures

So today, class, we are exploring some American painters. I hope you enjoy (I certainly did).

Inness "Home of the Heron"

Don't you just feel it? That brooding expectation?

Cassatt "Breakfast in Bed"

Isn't this just beautiful and wonderfully understated?

I love her profile, and for some reason her right arm. It's very elegant, but that right arms adds a great deal of reality to the piece.

Apparently she was quite the scandal, with numerous affairs and possible abortions (very daring for the time period). You know women of the age would sometimes put arsenic on their skin to make it translucent (so you could see the blue veins underneath. How strange!)

Whistler, "Blackboard"

I love her dress, the texture and such.

Some Pretty Pictures

So here are some paintings I've come across during my sojourn in the academic world. And I like them, for various reasons.

This one depicts Ajax (the Lesser) abducting Cassandra from her sanctuary of Athena (for which Athena punished Ajax by blasting him with a lighting bolt. Lesson: Don't mess).

This is a painting of the Romantics depicting the suicide of Chatterton. It is terribly sad (especially since he was only 17) But the painting is a great work of art I think. The play of blue and red, the symbolic rising sun and the open window. I saw it at the Tate, which was awesome.

This is a somewhat happier painting. It shows the sculptor Pygmalion as his glorious work of art comes to life as Galataea. I love how you can see her transformation as it is taking place. Cool stuff.

Look at me being all artistic

So in desperate need for creativity I brought out my old watercolors and painted.

This one makes me happy. It's just... yeah. Happy.

Here's another sailboat. I got the idea from a handkerchief I have. I just copied the shape, then played with the patterns.

This one if part of a 10 hour project I have to do for my New Testament class. If I'm being bold I call it "Rejoicers Among the Mourners" (but I don't think I'll be bold about this one). It's the Marys running in to tell the apostles that Christ is risen. Despite how ridiculously long this took me I don't like it much. It's so stiff, and I can't really paint. It just looks so basic. Maybe I'll try this again once my skills are warmed up. But I like the idea.

This is a collage I made and when I read this T.S. Eliot poem I was reminded of it.

...

Do I dare

Disturb the universe?

In a minute there is time

For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse

...

I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,

And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,

And in short, I was afraid.

I hope so much to not be like J. Alfred Prufrock. I want to see all the opportunities life offers and snatch at them with all the courage I possess.