Lactose Intolerance

I have been lactose intolerant for a while now. Or rather I have been accepting of this for a while. 

But it's still hard. 

Like, not eating any milk products is the pits. I have tried lactade pills, and they take away the pain but not the damage (like bleeding, which isn't cool) So I avoid lactose as best I can. 

But I am weak. 

I like food. 

But over time the price gets steeper. I still remember the last time I had ice cream. It was May 23rd 2010. I was in London and I was feeling very optimistic about the dairy there because my sensitive stomach had experienced no problems whatsoever in England. So I was like, "This place is magical. I can eat whatever I want without a single consequence." 

Lies. 

I went with some friends to Pizza Hut because on Monday nights they offered their cookie pie with lots and lots of ice cream at half price. So the 5 of us bought one and devoured it in under 3 minutes. And I was like "This was a wonderful idea. I love ice cream!" 

This is my tongue and ice cream loving each other.

On the bus ride home I was like "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea." 

By the time I got back to the flat I was like "That was the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life." and I laid on my bed for 4.5 hours writhing in lactose-loathing pain. 

The problem is that everything milk touches is delicious. Pudding? Delicious. Ranch Dressing? Delicious. Creamsicles? Devilishly delicious. Hot Chocolate? Delicious. Cheese? Yes.

It's like my tongue has a party every time it eats milk products and my stomach gets angry because it's not invited. 

Buttermilk pancakes and ranch covered carrots = grumpy stomach.

Yogurt and chocolate Creamsicle = a stomach that has really had enough of this.

And then if I eat a little bit of milk, it's like the lactose impairs my reason. 

Then I can't stop and my innards are seizing up in protest but my tongue gains control of my hands and just keeps stuffing my mouth with dairy and more dairy and I go on a dairy eating rampage as though dairy is the only thing that will save the planet from collapsing in on itself.

My stomach gets revenge by sending the ghosts of all the consumed milk products to haunt my night (aka acid reflux up the wazoo that keeps me up all night long).

 Every time it happens I swear I'll never eat dairy again. 

But then I see a plate of nachos and I reconsider.